Hey Everyone! I hope you all are finding Mean to be as interesting as I do. This reading has really opened my eyes to the extent in which sexual assault is occurring. Myriam Gurba is brave enough to share her intimate story with the world in order to bring awareness to the issue. What I found while reading this book is how she uses the philosophy meanness. Gurba is mean as a type of sublimation. I believe she is as mean as she is because it is her way of standing up for herself and preventing others from harming her. In this blog post, I am going to show different instances in which Gurba uses meanness.
“We act mean to defend ourselves from boredom and from those who would chop off our breasts. We act mean to defend our clubs and institutions. We act mean because we like to laugh. Being mean to boys is fun and a second-wave feminist duty. Being rude to men who deserve it is a holy mission. Sisterhood is powerful, but being a bitch is more exhilarating. Being a bitch is spectacular.” (page 17).
This quote addresses multiple reasons as to why Myriam Gurba is portrayed as mean. The first line in the quote really puts you in her shoes. Her being mean is a way to prevent what happened from happening again. She is mean because she doesn’t want to go through the pain of a man forcing himself onto her against her will. Gurba believes that if she is mean, a man will pay less attention to her and ultimately ignore the fact that she even exists.
The next sentence that stood out to me in this quote is “Being mean to boys is fun and a second-wave feminist duty”. Gurba is convinced that all boys and men are like the one that raped her. I understand this is her mindset, but this is obviously not true. She believes that it is her job to treat all men like they are pieces of trash because that’s how she herself views them. In a way you can’t blame her… you have to understand all that she has gone through has shaped the way she views the male species.
The last line from the quote I would like to talk about “Being rude to men who deserve it is a holy mission”. This quote is difficult to agree or disagree with as it is debatable. I could see why she thinks God would want her to be mean to men who deserve it. If anyone who is religious that reads this, knows that God does not believe in those types of actions and believes in forgiveness. Therefore being mean to men is not a holy mission, but is Gurba’s mission.
Questions to consider and elaborate on:
- Do you agree or disagree with “Being mean to boys is a fun and a second-wave feminist duty”?
- What are your feelings towards the quote above from page 17?
- What other uses of meanness did you find while reading Mean?
Hi Ariana!! Great blog post! I loved your analysis of how Gurba uses the term mean. To answer one of your questions, some other uses of meanness that Gurba brings up is when she is talking about her friends. Usually, when the author introduces her friends in the story, they like to start off on a good note. Gurba uses her sarcasm and witty humor and goes straight for the digs. For example, she states, “Ida could be a dumb bitch sometimes. Like during the fifth-grade race was, as I was lamenting getting called a beaner and a wetback, she said, “I know how you feel.” (64). Although we see Gurba doing this throughout the story, she might just be insecure and covering up her own feelings.
Nice post 🙂 . I think the quote is very interesting In the way that it is written. It is written so seriously, that it feels as if it is Gurba’s duty to be mean. She makes it seem like she is doing a favor to everyone by being mean, which is unusual. She uses her meanness to show her carelessness and self confidence. “Overlapping circles covered the white board. It was annoying. I didn’t really care.” (Gurba 88). She doesn’t care much for things that don’t arouse or amuse her. She focuses on herself and doing what’s right in her eyes and is bluntly honest while doing it.
I like the points you made, Ariana! I think the book is filled with a mean mindset. The narrator’s behavior, comments and even her thoughts are mean. The note you mentioned in regards to what she has experienced is important to understanding this character. Things happen in life that change and mold us in to who we are and how we treat or view others. Even if she doesn’t intend to be mean, she’s very snarky, cold and self-absorbed. I think that it’s a defense mechanism too. It reflects how the situations she’s gone through have impacted her view on people in general and she’s become cold to other people’s problems by brushing off her own. The comments she makes about Ofelia stick out in particular; the way she speaks of her sister’s illness seems so inconsiderate. Ofelia is sick and instead of showing her some sympathy, she describes her in a way that doesn’t sound like it would come from someone who cares about that person. The part I’m thinking of in particular is the one we mentioned in class, while they’re at the movies and the way she describes Ofelia. She makes jokes about how her sister looks. This may be the tactic that the narrator would use had she had the eating disorder, but because she doesn’t understand it, she shouldn’t comment about it. This may be because the narrator has experienced some traumatizing things in her life and she does not feel bad for her sister who, in retrospect, does not understand how awful life can be. The remarks she made about good Catholic girls and how they should act seemed passive aggressive at Ofelia. Maybe the jokes she makes are not considered mean from the narrator’s perspective because they are how she copes with what she’s watching her sister go through.
Hi Ariana, great blog post! To answer your first question I disagree with “Being mean to boys is a fun and a second-wave feminist duty”. I do not think fighting fire with fire is the best idea. I think that is a very immature statement, and feminists should be able to stand up for women in a mature, and reasonable way. One statement that stuck out to me was “One of her aunts sucked at English and was getting her cosmetology license.”(86) Even though this is not one of the major incidents that she uses meanness, but the way she talks about other people, and people of other cultures is disturbing. She does not only talk bad about her own people, but also people of different backgrounds that she has no idea what they have been through.
Hi Ariana!
I absolutely loved your blog post! I think you chose wonderful quotes to support Gurba’s philosophy of meanness. I agree with you that Gurba uses mean as a self-defense mechanism to protect herself from being a victim. She also uses acts of meanness to highlight the cruelty of pervasive, systemic racism, misogyny, and homophobia. For example, when Gurba is moving into college she makes fun of a white girl who was trying to save a parking spot. Gurba states “the white girl looked at something beyond us, at something we couldn’t see. Maybe the white privilege fairy” (75). She is particularly mean to white girls and enjoys making fun of them. Another example is when Gurba is discussing the “unbearable whiteness of certain girls” (57). She claims “white girls are the Holy Grails of Western civilization. I wish they could be replaced with something else” (60). Gurba’s acts of meanness allow her to be demanding, persistent, and ultimately, powerful. It pushes against the stereotypical niceness that all women should have. Gurba is aware of what she wants and does not want in life. She also realizes that being nice does not get her where she wants to be or give her what she wants from life. Gurba’s philosophy of mean is positive and empowering for all women.
Hello Ariana! I think I agree with the quote that reads “being mean to boys is a fun and a second-wave feminist duty”. Of course I believe feminism is the way to achieve equality, but I certainly think that before achieving this equality, women need to pay back what they have suffered; I am not saying this is totally right but I think it is understandable and a way of gaining power and stating “here I am and I don’t care about you”, so, yes, I agree that “being a bitch is spectacular” because by being a bitch, you give yourself power and a voice that cannot be shut!
Loving your choice of quote, Ariana! It’s very summative of one of the messages Gurba is trying to portray. This whole idea of meanness, specifically, women being mean, more specifically, women being bitches, reminds me of Shakespeare’s play “The Taming of the Shrew.” For those who have not read it, if you’ve seen the movie The Ten Things I Hate About You (RIP Heath Ledger), you know the story of the play. The character Katherine does not want to get married, but because of the culture of the time is forced by her father to be married to Petruchio, a man she has absolutely no interest in. She pushes back hard against her now husband, and for it becomes known as a shrew. The play turns into this “quest” for Petruchio to “tame” Katherine, hence the title of the play.
One of the actual definitions for the word shrew is “a bad-tempered or aggressively assertive woman,” making it synonymous with the word bitch. What is interesting to me is that the idea of some women feeling the need to reject men and be bitches to them is crossing cultures hundreds of years apart. Katherine is a bitch. Gurba is a shrew. When we take a look at Katherine, she was shamed by her father for feeling and acting the way she did; no one supported her due to the social constructs present that influenced people during that time. Flash forward to today and we have Gurba over here writing a whole novel about how feminist-meanness is a “holy mission” (17). It’s really wild to see such how far feminist culture has come between these two texts.
Gurba and Katherine would have most definitely been friends.
Hi Ariana, great post! I really enjoyed your analysis of that specific quote, I too interpreted her meanness in similar ways. Another quote I found interesting, where she showed her mean side was when she says, “I mentally disagreed with her but said nothing. I respect my elders. Plus, I wanted to hear what bullshit she’d say next” (Gurba 106). At first glance of reading this quote it started out nice and I was actually surprised because I hadn’t seen much of her compassionate, respectful side. Then once I got to the end of the quote I saw her personality really come out. When Gurba began by being nice in this quote it is almost like she caught herself and immediately wanted to take it back so she’s not seen as a nice, respectful girl. Therefore, she compensated her respectfulness for a snarky remark to keep her reputation of a tough girl.
Do you agree or disagree with “Being mean to boys is a fun and a second-wave feminist duty”?
What are your feelings towards the quote above from page 17?
What other uses of meanness did you find while reading Mean?
Hey Ariana! Love the post! To answer you question(s), I have to agree and disagree with “Being mean to boys is a fun and second-wave feminist duty.” I have to agree because boys’ egos can get to big for their pants and they also have a more immature brain than women. So, I believe it is important for women to be able to stick up for themselves when needed and to bring a boys ego back down to earth so to speak. I also disagree because being mean to people is not fun. Also, it should not be someone’s duty to be mean to someone. Boy’s can be very gross and rude sometimes, but that is about 5% of the male population. Most guys are not like that so I don’t think going out and being mean to every male one sees is the best move. But I also see where Gurba is coming from considering all she has been through.
I personally love that quote. “Being a bitch is spectacular” is impowering, even for a male to read! I think if a man deserves it, absolutely, rip him to shreds. But I also like that she mentions “we act mean because we like to laugh” because I mean, it is true. It is probably one of the most honest quotes I have read in the text. We as humans create mischief in our lives to get a good laugh. Whether it is someone slipping on a banana peel we put down, embarrassing someone that has done us wring, it is all a show for us and I have to agree with her one hundred percent.
I found quite a few other examples of meanness in through out the book! What really caught my eye was on page 109:
“I want to be a likeable female narrator.”
“But I also enjoy being mean.”
“I always get crushes on people that are mean to me.”
“I’m mean, but I’m not so mean that I’ve ever raped somebody. I’ve never grabbed a strange woman, pulled down her underpants, shoved my face into her pussy, and inhaled. That’s a special kind of mean.”
This caught my eye because she goes into to describe (very bluntly) that she is mean and enjoys it, but also enjoys guys being mean to her too. Then she goes into describing a different kind of mean of a rape. It was like her mind was going 100 mph in that moment. But, she does make a good point that people who rape, are a different kind of mean and that’s is where her being a bitch sometimes comes in handy.
Nice blog post Ariana!!
I think that when Gurba says this quote: “Being mean to boys is a fun and a second-wave feminist duty” (17), she is wearing a mask of the men who encountered the second wave feminist movement. Men probably viewed women being ‘mean’ to them when really they were just standing up for themselves. When she includes being mean to men who deserve it is a holy mission, she is saying that it is a woman’s duty to alienate and maybe even prevent instances. Which I agree with. You should treat everyone with kindness and respect, but some people are really evil and do not deserve any sort of kindness.
On page 108, Gurba calls Elizabeth “Elizabitch”, saying: “She was not a bad person. She was ditzy. People referred to her as Elizabitch because it was fun to say”. This example of meanness, is just meanness for no real reason, other than “…it was fun to say”. Sometimes I feel that she is just very immature. This is an elementary school of thought: ‘I’m going to make fun of someone just because everyone is doing it and it sounds cool even though they aren’t like this at all and it might hurt their feelings’. I’m not saying Gurba is a bad person, but it is something that really struck me. She writes very maturely and beautifully but sometimes she acts younger than she is in her stories.
Hi Ariana! I enjoyed your post and the ways in which you described how Myriam Gurba is mean and uses it some sort of defense mechanism due to all the trauma she has faced in her life. I think Gurba is very funny in the way she tells stories and I think she uses her humor as a defense mechanism as well. To answer your question I don’t agree with the statement that “being mean to boys is a fun and a second-wave feminist duty.” I feel like feminists are already criticized quite a bit and many assume that they’re just radical groups of women who hate men. Being mean to boys I admit is exhilarating but I feel like Gurba is mean to boys due to how they treated her. I feel like Gurba being mean to boys gives her power over them like how the men who have abused her had power over her. When Gurba is mean to boys she is in control, not vice versa. I understand why Gurba thinks that it is best to be mean and especially to boys but I wouldn’t exactly say that it is a feminist duty. On a quote from page 150, Gurba says, “He wasn’t finished. Things like that are never finished. Men like that are never finished.” I’m wondering what type of men she is referring to. Another thing, what type of men does Gurba decide to be mean to? Gurba seems to have a strong hatred towards men and men are often taking advantage of her. Gurba uses being mean so she is less vulnerable however I feel like it is almost a trap because she ends up being harmed by men in some sort of way. I feel as if Gurba wants to escape and being mean is a way of escaping but she is almost trapped.
Great blog post, Ariana! It’s hard to choose whether or not to agree with the idea of being mean to boys is fun and important for feminism. To support her claim, it can be “fun” to be mean to the boys who deserve it because it’s a way to defend yourself. But to be plain mean to boys is unfair. I thought the quote you included on page 17 was really interesting because it encaptures what Gurba is trying to portray in her book. She wants to use being mean as a defense mechanism to those who hurt her and those she thinks can potentially hurt her. On page 130 Gurba says that “we got to work cracking each other up by imitating Yenifer for hours. We pretended to be gifted vocalists. We tugged at our hairlines,” and this emphasizes that although Yenifer hadn’t been mean to her up front, Gurba still felt the need to include herself in this teasing to potentially prevent any harm to herself.
Ariana, wonderful blog post! The part of the quote you mentioned that stuck out to me was “Being rude to men who deserve it is a holy mission” (Gurba 17). The word that I would emphasize if I could is “deserve.” While sounding subjective, I believe that there are a few things we as a class could agree on that would justify “being rude to men who deserve it”: men taking advantage of their power in this patriarchal society; men taking advantage of women, children, and other men; and men who sexually assault women. I think the rudeness Gurba talks about is a type of mechanism that she has constructed to push against the culture she is raised in. A construct that promotes the power of women while diminishing the perceived power some men think they have over women.
I find it interesting how open Gurba is about enjoying being mean, and how she believes “being a bitch is spectacular” (17). Gurba states, “I always get crushes on people who are mean to me” (109). Through this quote we can see how being mean is beneficial, since it gets others to like them. Perhaps this is another reason Gurba loves being mean, because she feels people will have a crush on her as well if she’s mean to them.
Although I strongly disagree with Gurba’s beliefs and I believe being kind is the “holy mission”(even to people who don’t deserve it), it’s interesting to read how someone believes being mean is the best policy.
Hi Ariana, I loved your blog post and thought it was extremely thorough! While as a feminist myself, I have to disagree with your chosen quote. While I understand that being mean to men who feel they are superior to women is somewhat justifiable, I feel that being the bigger person is always the stronger move. Kindness goes further than poisonous behavior, and although Gurba went through hell all at the expense of men, she should understand that everyone is an individual. Obviously rape victims are already struggling with so many problems that they didn’t bring upon themselves, but I disagree with the concept that she should enforce a toxic feministic ideology.
Hi Ariana, great blog post! I really enjoy the questions you left the readers with at the ends. To answer those questions, I do not necessarily feel that “Being rude to men who deserve it is a holy mission” is a way to base our morals off of. Regardless, we should not really be ‘mean’ to anyone, whether they deserve it or not. Through what I have seen, this is somewhat giving in. I think it is great to feel empowered, yet we shoukd not feel this power through putting other people down. Ragarding the quote on 17, I do feel as if people act mean to defend themselves, but at the end of the day, this is just a front. Chances are, if people feel the need to react, they are just protecting themselves.
Differently, educating men on their belittling actions is where we should be gaining power from. Women can defend themselves in ways that are not necessarily mean, but in ways that are empowering and educating